Wednesday, April 5, 2017
A blog post at last....
Spring is here! Or making a strong showing at least. It will be warm, for a day or two, then we will have a cold snap. I am finally almost over my cold. And I don't feel bad at all. I had two or three nights of only sleeping a couple hours. I finally gave in and took Nyquil. I slept from 10:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. in my recliner, got up and gave Roger his meds, and went to bed and slept till 3:00 p.m. Then I started to feel better.
Other than that, have had such up and down times this spring...it has made it hard to blog here. I have been having to really concentrate on any blog with much more than a photos and a few words, and sometimes have to come back to posts two or three times that has stuff I want to read.
Roger went through a few days about 2-3 weeks ago that was horrible. Just terrible fears...felt so alone. This stroke really did a number on him. I don't know if he has ever felt depressed a day in his life till this. He has always been a person that thought positive...always determined to find a way to fix a problem. Always a way forward.
Add to that I had another mole come back positive for basal cell cancer. And I know it is generally nothing to really worry about. But you did not see my father-in-law. Before he died, he had lost one of his eyes, his jaw bone on on side, half his nose. And that is not the half of it...he had went through so many plastic surgeries to repair the original surgery. I did not see him after it...it happened before I met Roger. I am not sure what all he lost the first time around.
Anyway, he went in for the last visit to the doctor, and they found a small hole between the roof of his mouth and his nostril. So, there was that hole...they scheduled surgery to repair it, and found more cancer. that is when he lost the roof of his mouth, his eye, and part of his nose. Well, that was the beginning of losing them. I don't recall the exact sequence of it. That was over 30 yrs. ago.
So, I battle fears of my own. Every evening I go through spells of what I call the fearfuls. Sometimes they don't amount to a hill of beans...others I have such awful thoughts. And so much of the time I feel so alone...like I have not told Roger that the mole was cancer...and he has not thought to ask. It upset him so bad for me to have this cold...I just avoid worrying him.
So that is just a touch of what has been going on. We did go for a little drive today. The first time we have just went for a leisurely drive in a while...and I am wanting to go for a few more. And I think it would be good for both of us to get out and get in the woods and look for some mushrooms. But even that holds fears. But I think we will still get out and go.