Wednesday, April 5, 2017

A blog post at last....


Spring is here!  Or making a strong showing at least.   It will be warm, for a day or two, then we will have a cold snap.  I am finally almost over my cold.  And I don't feel bad at all.  I had two or three nights of only sleeping a couple hours.  I finally gave in and took Nyquil.  I slept from 10:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. in my recliner, got up and gave Roger his meds, and went to bed and slept till 3:00 p.m.  Then I started to feel better.

Other than that, have had such up and down times this spring...it has made it hard to blog here.  I have been having to really concentrate on any blog with much more than a photos and a few words, and sometimes have to come back to posts two or three times that has stuff I want to read. 
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Roger went through a few days about 2-3 weeks ago that was horrible.  Just terrible fears...felt so alone.  This stroke really did a number on him.  I don't know if he has ever felt depressed a day in his life till this.  He has always been a person that thought positive...always determined to find a way to fix a problem.  Always a way forward.

Add to that I had another mole come back positive for basal cell cancer.  And I know it is generally nothing to really worry about.  But you did not see my father-in-law.  Before he died, he had lost one of his eyes, his jaw bone on on side, half his nose.  And that is not the half of it...he had went through so many plastic surgeries to repair the original surgery.  I did not see him after it...it happened before I met Roger. I am not sure what all he lost the first time around.

Anyway, he went in for the last visit to the doctor, and they found a small hole between the roof of his mouth and his nostril.   So, there was that hole...they scheduled surgery to repair it, and found more cancer.  that is when he lost the roof of his mouth, his eye, and part of his nose.  Well, that was the beginning of losing them.  I don't recall the exact sequence of it.  That was over 30 yrs. ago.
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So, I battle fears of my own.  Every evening I go through spells of what I call the fearfuls.  Sometimes they don't amount to a hill of beans...others I have such awful thoughts.  And so much of the time I feel so alone...like I have not told Roger that the mole was cancer...and he has not thought to ask.  It upset him so bad for me to have this cold...I just avoid worrying him.

So that is just a touch of what has been going on.  We did go for a little drive today.  The first time we have just went for a leisurely drive in a while...and I am wanting to go for a few more.  And I think it would be good for both of us to get out and get in the woods and look for some mushrooms.    But even that holds fears.  But I think we will still get out and go.

15 comments:

Nancy Chan said...

Hello Rose, I am glad to hear that your are feeling much better after your cold. I can understand how Roger and you are struggling with the issue of fear and loneliness after his stroke and for you to handle the mole issue. At this time, one can feel really lonely because you are the one facing your health issue. Fear can be crippling and I think it is good to be able to share with someone who understands and willing to lend a ear. It is normal to have this fear but good to know that fear is not from God. I will pour out my fears and worries in my prayer to God and His peace will comfort me. I think it is good to go out and spend time together, walking or driving to enjoy each other's company.

Karen said...

This is a lot to face all at once. I agree that it helps when you are able to get out in the sunshine and see the signs of Spring all around. This is the Bible verse that comforts me when I feel alone. Jesus told us in John 14:20 - At that day you will know that I am in the Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. Praying for you and Rogers.

Tom said...

...my best to you both!

Cat Lover said...

Rose, I am glad you are over your cold. I am sorry that you and Roger are going through this difficult time. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Robin

Sandra said...

I am glad you posted this, I believe telling others our fears helps give us a little relief from those fears. prayers for both of you for strength to get through each day. hugs and love coming your way.

Patsy said...

Oh Rose, our blog friends are praying for you and Roger. So sorry you are having a down time. We have been fighting basal cell for 3 years Bennie's face, head and was sure he was going to lose a ear. We are on watch every day for them. But God is good and what ever his plan for us we will bare thought.
Hugs to you both

Carol- Beads and Birds said...

Our lives seem to run on some parallel. Terry has been suffering depression that I hope will pass when he can get outside and putz around. His lack of mobility gets him so down. At least outside he can do a little more than being inside. I have a mole on my cheek just under my eye. It was nothing and now it has grown and it took 6 months to get into a dermatologist. That appointment will not be until May. The closer the appointment gets the more fearful I am that it may BE something to worry about. As Terry's health deteriorates, I become more fearful of what I would do without him. Stress can bring on those viruses, but still we don't slow down to take care of ourselves. Glad you got the bedrest you needed to shake it. Take care of yourself. We can't worry, but take each day as they come.
xx, Carol

Ruth Hiebert said...

Thanks for sharing your inner feelings. It is hard to doubt I believe that it is also good to do just that. May God give you and Roger both a deep peace about each day and about the future.

Barbara said...

Rose, dear Rose. You are precious to our Lord and He has you in the center of His hand right this very minute. I understand about not getting much sleep when you don't feel well and have much on your mind.

Getting out of the house for those drives with your sweetie is a really good idea. We do that a lot. The fresh air and sunshine do me a world of good. We like to laugh and quote the gal on the TV Toyota commercials who says, "Let's go places!"

Praying peace and a really good night's sleep for you.

Ginny Hartzler said...

Oh Rose, I am so very sorry. Maybe Roger could benefit from an anti depressant drug, like Phil takes. Phil was horribly depressed for so long. We had tried for years to avoid drugs. But we finally gave in. And he is his old happy self now. He has had quite a few Basal Cells, and of course had to have half his face cut off and moved. I think going for drives is a good idea.The white flower is beautiful. But nowadays medicine is so much better.

Francisco Manuel Carrajola Oliveira said...

Lindas estas flores silvestres.
Um abraço e continuação de boa semana.

Andarilhar
Dedais de Francisco e Idalisa
Livros-Autografados

Small City Scenes said...

Oh my goodness---so many worries it makes one wonder how we can carry so much. Getting out for a drive always makes me feel so much better even when I thought I felt good. You take care of those moles and things---sometimes something and sometimes nothing. AND----sleep is a great healer I am glad you finally got some and that you feel better.
Take care
MB

Betsy Adams said...

Hi There, You and Roger are on my prayer list every single day. Being the caregiver is as hard as being the patient.... You have done great. BUT getting sick is NO fun. I had a rough month and since I'm NEVER sick, it was extremely hard for me... BUT--with God's help, I made it through that mess...

I think that getting out more will help both you and Roger. When I'm 'down' about anything, I just try to get outside and work in the garden or take a walk or a ride.... That always cheers me up...

Doing our daily devotions helps --and talking with God.. God is always there for us --and certainly will help you (and Roger) with your fears/stress/doubts, etc...

Love and PRAYERS for you both,
Betsy

Linda Gross said...

You have so many worries. You are never alone, if you have faith...

pattisjarrett said...

I'm sorry you are facing all these challenges. A nice drive "running away from home" as my hubby puts it, does seem to help. Will continue to pray for peace, strength, grace...Hugs!

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